Naruto: The Musical!
by Tsukiyumi no Mikoto
Summary: Orochimaru's boredom wreaks havoc on Konoha Village! Current Arc: Randomness Arcin which three Rain kunoichi hold a secret to Orochi's downfall. And lots of showtunes! R&R please!
1. I’m Under Your Spell:Wrath of the Sannin

Naruto: The Musical!

Rated T for Teen for mild language, violence, um, _suggestive_ content...

Chapter 1: Orochimaru's Boredom: I'm Under Your Spell

Tsuki: Bwahaha! I too have joined the bandwagon of writing fics about random songs being sung by anime characters! I hope you guys enjoy this. And everyone here is a Chunin if you needed to know. Oh yeah, I do not own any if the words or songs used in this fic, including "I'm Under Your Spell" by Joss Whedon, the creator of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". Before I start the fic, _Italicized _lyrics mean one person is singing, whilst **bold **lyrics mean there is more than one singer. There are two or three OCs featured in this musical. If you must know, the pairings are:

Lee/OC

Naruto/Hinata

Sasuke/Sakura

Shikamaru/Ino

Neji/Tenten

Gaara/OC

Orochimaru/Anko

Also, I do not own Naruto. If I did, I'd be filthy flippin' rich. But I'm not. Anyway, here it is!

* * *

Orochimaru sat in his chamber of the tower, watching the sun rise upon Otogakure no Sato. He stroked his long, black hair absentmindedly, thinking of some form of entertainment. 

"Hmmm… today, should I call for an invasion of Konoha Village? No, I don't have enough followers after that Impure World Resurrection jutsu incident. Or how about planning a raid on the nearest CVS to buy the latest purple eyeshadow?"

Orochimaru clicked his laptop on and searched his Amazon account.

"No, I already ordered everything in stock. Blast! And…" he trailed off into thought.

After a moment,

"I've got it! I'll entice Sasuke to follow in my path and join me forever! BWAHAHA! …

…

"No, wait, I always do that."

The "Otokage" was so immersed in thought that he didn't hear his loyal follower Kabuto calling him from the hallway.

"Orochimaru-sama! I brought your package!" Kabuto called, delighted to be helping his beloved teacher out. He found no reply.

"Orochimaru-sama? Where are you?" Kabuto stumbled into the former Sannin's quarters and promptly tripped on the carpet.

"Kabuto! WHAT is it?" Orochimaru asked impatiently. "I'm trying to think of something evil and sinister to do today."

"Well, why don't you do something horrible to those annoying Chunin in Konoha?" suggested Kabuto.

"Not a chance, my apprentice. Hmm…" his voice trailed off. "I've got it! I can do something horrible to those stupid, annoying Chunin in Konoha!" Orochimaru cried.

"But what to do…Aha! I shall make them sing until they explode! And then I shall entice Sasuke to join the Dark Side! Mwahahaha!" laughed the former Sannin evilly.

Kabuto sweatdropped in the typical anime fashion.

"Okay then…SHOUKA NO JUTSU!" A great blast of purple light filled the room and suddenly disappeared.

"Orochimaru-sama, are you sure that even worked?"

"Shut your mouth, Kabuto. Now, what did you want to tell me?" Orochimaru asked, his tapering, white finger beckoning his student closer.

"Well…"

* * *

MEANWHILE, IN KONOHA VILLAGE…

* * *

Uzamaki Naruto had just exited the Ichiraku Ramen Stand, having won a contest against Iruka-sensei over how many bowls of Ramen they could eat in one sitting. Naruto had eaten 238, while Iruka managed only 54 bowls. After much reverse peristalsis (a.k.a. vomiting) from Iruka and about 500 Konoha yen, Naruto was making his way down to Sasuke's flat. 

On the way there, he glimpsed up with Hinata, who was training her Byukagan in the bushes.

"Hey, Hinata-chan! What's up?" Naruto called out to her excitedly. At the sound of his voice, Hinata jumped behind the bushes nervously, her face turning the colour of a boiled beet.

"Hey, where'd you go? Hinata? _Hinata_-_aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa_?" He yelled, searching in the bushes. Brushing away thorns, our hero found the kunoichi huddled in a tight ball.

"Hi, N-Naruto-kun," she murmured almost unintelligibly. "H-how are you?"

Suddenly and inexplicably, dark clouds rolled in from nowhere and lightning struck the ground near the two Chunin.

"Whoa! What the firetruck was that?" Naruto wondered, scratching his spiky blond head. Looking around, he found nothing.

"That was random. Who'd have thought that lightning would strike right here? Oh well. Bye, Hinata-chan!"

The Kyuubiholder started to walk away when he heard Hinata getting out of her hiding place in the bushes.

"N-Naruto-kun? C-can we g-go somewhere…where we could be…alone?" Hinata stammered, her lavender eyes downcast.

"Sure, Hinata-chan," Naruto answered brightly. Gently, he took her hand, much to Hinata's surprise, and started off down the road. The two shinobi came to a glen by a small waterfall and stone footbridge and stopped.

"So, uh, Hinata, what is it that you wanted?"

"N-Naruto…" the kunoichi started. Suddenly, Hinata's eyes glowed deep amethyst and the ground shook.

"Huh? What the hell just happened? Hinata, are you okay?" Naruto asked, rushing over to Hinata. She shook her head.

"Naruto, there's something I've been meaning to tell you…" She trailed off.

"Well, what is it?"

Hinata took a deep breath, and instead of words coming out of her mouth, a melody emerged instead.

_I lived my life in shadow_

_Never the sun on my face_

_It didn't seem so sad though_

_I figured that was my place_

_Now I'm bathed in light_

_Something just isn't right_

_I'm under your spell_

_How else could it be?_

_Anyone would notice me?_

_It's magic I can tell _

_How you set me free_

_Brought me out so easily_

While singing, the sapphire-haired shinobi walked over to the bridge, gesturing that Naruto should follow.

_I saw a world enchanted_

_Spirits and charms in the air_

_I always took for granted_

_I was the only one there_

_But your powers shone_

_Brighter than any I've known_

Hinata twirled from Naruto's arms into the surrounding field, dancing as she sang.

_I'm under your spell _

_Nothing I can do_

_You just took my soul with you_

_You worked your charm so well _

_Finally I knew_

_Everything I've dreamed came true_

_You make me believe…_

She held the note for a long time. Entranced by her singing, Naruto followed her where he carefully grasped his hands in hers.

_The moon to the tide_

_I can feel you inside_

_I'm under your spell_

_Surging like the sea_

_Pulled to you so helplessly_

_I break with every swell_

_Lost in ecstasy_

_Spread beneath my willow tree_

_You make me complete…_

_You make me complete…_

_You make me complete…_

_You make me complete…_

Hinata finished, bowing her head and averting her eyes from Naruto's.

"Hinata-chan…I can't believe I didn't know," the Chunin replied. He tilted her face up to his and leaned in to kiss her, but…

As soon as she saw what he was about to do, Hinata fainted.

"Great." He would have rolled his eyes, but now that he knew, he just…well, couldn't. He picked her up and started for the infirmary.

"Well, at least no one saw, right?" Naruto asked aloud. Only the sparrows chirped among the trees.

* * *

He was wrong. The whole time, one shadowy figure had stayed hidden in the bushes, witnessing everything that had gone on. A smile barely emerged on her lips. 

"My master will be pleased…"

**To Be Continued…

* * *

**

Tsuki: I hope you guys liked this. I know, it's probably really bad for an opening chapter, but I was bored. Plan on seeing songs from Buffy, The Phantom of the Opera, Oklahoma, Mulan, High School Musical, and more. Please don't kill me for my lack of updates, dudes; I have Regents and crap coming up, so bear with me.

Lee: Tsuki-san, I promise you, if anyone will flame you, I will fight them to the death to protect your honour!

Tsuki: Thanks, Lee. (sweatdops). See you all later!

Lee: But, how can they see you unless they are in the same room as you are? If one of them is stalking you…

Tsuki: Lee…


	2. Anko's Revelation: Shinobi Angel

Naruto: The Musical!

Chapter Two: Anko's Revelation! Shinobi Angel

Tsuki: Thanks for the reviews, everybody!

Kaze-san, I had this idea for a while now, so I didn't steal it. Mweh. ;)

Ea-Cake, thanks for the support!

And Kasumi Jusha No Jutsu, um, I can't tell you yet…

Anyway, here's the next installment of Naruto: The Musical! Just so you guys know, everyone here is a Chunin, so they're about 15 or 16 years old by now. And **_bold italics _**means that there is a flashback taking place. I do not own the lyrics or rights to the song "Angel of Music" by Andrew Lloyd Webber, or Naruto itself. Darn…

Watching from the ANBU Tower, Mitarashi Anko sighed, brushing her blue-black hair out of her face.

"Stupid kids. Especially that Uzamaki kid. Just look what he did to that poor Hyuuga girl! Ah, it figures…" Anko stopped raving to herself and took a swig of sake.

"Still, I wonder…when will_ he_ return?" The Jounin stopped and paced around the room anxiously.

"Where the hell is that damn Asuma? He was supposed to be here-"she paused and looked at her watch-"Three point fourteen seconds ago!" A puff of smoke emerged from the air, leaving a very wet looking Sarutobi Asuma standing in Anko's room.

"What took you so long? This is important, Sarutobi!" She surveyed the sopping Jounin suspiciously.

"What the hell happened to you?"

Asuma sighed and replied, "I had my cell training by the river and Akamichi fell in, and he can't swim, so I went in and fetched him."

Anko scratched her chin. "I'm surprised Chouji didn't float with that bulk. Anyway, two things: One, STOP LEAKING ON MY CARPET! And two, this is about Orochimaru."

Asuma gasped.

"He's back. And I can feel it," Anko continued, her hand immediately touching her cursed seal mark.

"Lady Anko, what is it that we can do? And what _exactly_ is he planning?"

Anko sighed again, turning away from her fellow Jounin.

"He's planning to ensnare all of our shinobi warriors in his horrible, inconceivable plot. He's cast a powerful, non-existent jutsu (created by the authoress when she was bored) that will make all of them burst into song and eventually…they will all spontaneously combust."

Again, Asuma gasped.

"And the worst part is…"

"Tell me, Lady Anko," Asuma whispered, afraid to hear what her next words were.

"We have to sing…show tunes."

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Asuma dramatically, collapsing to the floor unconscious.

"I can't take this anymore. Baka," she said, jumping over the Jounin's unmoving body to the door.

"Oh, wait." She jumped over Asuma again to her end table. She picked up her bottle of sake and drank some.

"Much better. But now, business needs to be taken care of." She teleported herself out of the room and into the darkness.

Asuma woke up momentarily, screaming, "SHOWTUNES!" in agony, then collapsing back on the floor again.

* * *

MEANWHILE…

* * *

Orochimaru sat in his quarters, grinning at the image of his former student leaping through the trees, approaching his tower. 

"Kabuto, it seems we have a visitor. Let her in; but don't show up when she enters. In fact, just open the door now and leave for a while. I have some _issues_ with my lovely Anko."

Kabuto scowled at the thought of having this psychotic woman stealing his Orochimaru-sama away from him, but he did as he was told.

"I swear, I'll get her for this…"

* * *

Back in Orochimaru's quarters, ( I like using these line thingies!)

* * *

"I'll assume Anko's appearance and voice now…and then, who should I alert? Someone not from ANBU, that's for sure. Hmmm…what about that Shizune lass that Tsunade's training? She'll do. BWAHAHA!" 

Orochimaru tried hard to concentrate on his chakra, for his arms were rendered useless.

"HENGE NO JUTSU!" The Otokage assumed the form of the medic ninja Shizune, then, after feeling himself all over, he turned to the communications screen and contacted Anko.

* * *

SOMEWHERE IN KONOHA VILLAGE…

* * *

"AUGH!" 

"Shizune, what is it?" Tsunade asked, unnerved by her student's random scream.

"Tsunade-sama…I sense…a strange sensation…all over me…MAKE IT STOP!"

* * *

ANYWAY…

* * *

"Anko, this is Shizune. It's urgent! Come to the tower in the Forest of Death to meet me there. Come alone." 

Anko shook her head and sighed.

"Orochimaru-sama, you suck at this jutsu. Just look at you. Shizune doesn't wear purple eyeshadow! You really think that I'd fall for that? Baka…" the screen turned off.

"DAMNIT!" Orochimaru yelled.

* * *

MEANWHILE…

* * *

Anko had just returned from her fruitless journey to find her former sensei when her cursed seal began to burn at her skin. Reeling, she shook herself and proceeded to enter the village temple, where she had hidden so long ago on that fateful day… 

Flashback…

**_Anko's parents seemed to be tense as the young, ten-year old soon-to-be kunoichi skipped through the house._**

"_**Mama, Papa!" Anko cried, running into her parents' arms; their embrace… wasn't quite right, Anko figured. She shrugged and told her parents the news.**_

"_**Guess what? I just performed a perfect Kage no Bunshin jutsu in front of everyone in the Academy!"**_

_**Her parents tried to smile, but little Anko could sense something was terribly wrong.**_

"_**Anko, flee to the temple as fast as you can, little one. And never tell anyone about those strange voices you heard. Please, Anko-chan!" her mother pleaded.**_

"_**And always know we love you. Now go!" her father cried, planting a small kiss on her head.**_

"_**But…"**_

"_**Go, Anko-chan! Go!"**_

_**Anko looked back at her parents; it would be the last time she'd ever see them alive again. When she turned a second time, she could make out flames engulfing their home and cried out in despair. The young kunoichi ran to the temple and threw herself on the floor, sobbing.**_

"_Anko, Anko," **a small voice sang out in the darkness. A young girl of about thirteen searched the halls of the temple, carefully checking each chamber.**_

"_You've done well, young one," **a different voice hissed, curling around the whimpering child like a snake.**_

"**_Angel?" Anko asked, hoping for the voice to call to her again. She looked up amidst her tears to find not this "Angel," but a petite young Genin: Shizune. Shizune sat beside the crying little girl and attempted to comfort her._**

_Where in the world have you been hiding?_

_Really, you were perfect!_

_I only wish I knew your secret_

_Do you have a new tutor?_

_**Anko brushed away a tear, and replied,**_

"**_Even when my father was alive, he said that he knew I was meant to be a ninja, and that the Shinobi Angel would come to me and teach me all he knew so that I can become a kunoichi like you, Shizune. My parents' final wishes were for me never to tell anyone this secret, but in my dreams, there was this voice…it urged me to train and work harder, and so…I have…"_**

_Father once spoke of an angel_

_I used to dream he'd appear_

_Now as I sing, I can sense him_

_And I know he's here!_

_**Anko stood and moved to the window, moving slowly as if in a trance.**_

_Here in this room, he calls me softly_

_Somewhere inside, hiding_

_Somehow I know he's always with me_

_He, the unseen genius…_

_**Shizune became perplexed at this thought, and rose to meet Anko at the other side of the room.**_

_Anko, you must have been dreaming_

_Stories like this can't come true_

_Anko, you're talking in riddles_

_And it's not like you!_

_**Young Anko began to sing, her voice getting stronger and stronger, frightening her newfound friend.**_

_Shinobi angel, guide and guardian!_

_Grant to me your glory_

**_Shizune added harmony, utterly confused and scared of the outcome. _**

**Who is this angel, this …**

_**Both girls joined together, one under the throes of mystery, the other frightened for her friend's safety.**_

**Shinobi angel! **

**Hide no longer! **

**Secret and strange angel…**

_**Anko's eyes returned to normal, as if the "spell" had ended. She looked towards Shizune with fear in her eyes.**_

_He's with me even now…_

**Your hands are cold…**

_All around me…_

**Your face, Anko, it's white!**

_It frightens me…_

**Don't be frightened!**

_**Shizune took Anko's hand, and looked towards the ceiling. She could have sworn she had heard laughter in the wings.**_

"_**Shizune…thank you. Please, may I be alone?" Anko asked, her voice trembling. The kunoichi nodded sadly.**_

"_**Of course, Anko-chan. Be careful…" Shizune dropped out of sight.**_

_**Anko crept behind a statue of the Shinto goddess Ameratsu and wept.**_

"_**Little Anko, I am very interested in your abilities," the snakelike voice emerged from the darkness.**_

"_**Shinobi Angel?" the young ninja asked.**_

"_**Yes, my little one. If you agree to become my student, then this is the consequence…"**_

"_**C-consequence?"**_

_**A great, snaky neck protruded from the ceiling, green eyes glowing maliciously. Without a pause, Anko could feel fangs sinking into her neck, followed by intense pain. Then, absolutely nothing.

* * *

**_

"Aaugh!" Anko screamed, her curse seal burning her.

"No…I won't let you!" she tried hard to fend off the grey waves that would swallow her consciousness. But before she had lost sight of all light, Anko could barely see what could only be the metallic lustre of… a ninja headband?

"No…uh…" the Jounin slumped to the floor.

From the rafters, a glimmering hitai-ate formed the last light source in the entire room. The strange kunoichi hid her face in shadow and clicked her communicator on.

"ANBU headquarters, Lady Anko is in grave danger. Hurry, before it's too late to save her…"

**To Be Continued…

* * *

**

**Tsuki: Well, that took a long time to type! And I'm typing this in the middle of writing a stupid scholarship essay thing; my mom's not going to be happy. Anyway, Lee and I hope you liked this chapter!**

**Lee: If none of you readers appreciate Tsuki-san's form of literature, than I shall be forced to use my URA RENGE!**

**Tsuki: Lee-kun, that almost killed you.**

**Lee- I promised you, I shall protect you and your works of writing until I die! YOSH! **

**Tsuki: Thanks, Lee-kun…**


	3. The Sleepover: Out of Your Dreams

Naruto: The Musical!

Chapter 3: Sakura's Sleepover: Out of Your Dreams

Tsuki- Kaze-san and I don't know whose idea this was anymore, since we both thought of it, so we're both going to do something similar. Also, even though no one knows what Tenten's last name is, I will be referring to her as Ama Tenten, Ama being her surname. This time, two of the OCs are going to be fully introduced…but one will still remain in shadow…Remember, I don't own Naruto or Rodgers and Hammerstein's_ Oklahoma!_ Because obviously, Rodgers and Hammerstein do. Duh.

Animeflash- Thank you so much for the support!

Kasumi Jusha No Jutsu-Yes, I plan on doing another Phantom song!

Ea-Cake- Thanks again for your support, and good virtual asterisk-y singing voice!

A Dollop A Daisy- Thank you, and I plan on using more line thingies!

Anyway, on with the fic!

* * *

Haruno Sakura sighed, turning a page of Itcha Itcha Paradisein disgust. Her birthday was in a few days, and she had nothing planned for a celebration. Overlooking the next few sentences in Jiraiya's newest sequel, Sakura cried,

"How the heck does Kakashi-sensei read this perverted stuff?" The pink haired ninja tossed the book to the floor of her room and flopped onto her bed, letting out another sigh.

"Now what do I read?" Sakura looked through her bookshelf and magazine rack in desperation, hoping to find something interesting.

"_Kunoichi?_ No. _Shinobi Stylez? _No, that uses a "z" in it, making it a misspelled item, which I hate."

Frustrated, Sakura leafed through piles of magazines her mother gave to her, magazines she had been reading since _she_ was a Genin. One of them included…

"_Teen Kunai? _**SHANNARO! **(This translates to "CHA!") Now, let's take a look and see if there's anything fun to do."

Poring over the magazine's pages, she saw countless ads for what appeared to be Tsunade's own fragrance: "A Kiss of Kai."

"Ew, that's just disturbing," Sakura said, horrified. The picture contained an inset of Tsunade posing naked, but in shadow, holding an exquisite looking bottle.

"Gross."

Trying again, Sakura became transfixed on the title "SLEEPOVER BIRTHDAY BASH! A FIVE STEP GUIDE TO HOSTING THE BEST GIRLS-ONLY PARTY IN THE LEAF VILLAGE!"

"Wow! How convenient! Well then, what do I do…?"

After a few hours of writing who she'd invite, when it would be, the details, and scrawling Sasuke's name all over her paper about fifteen times, Sakura bounced out of her flat and ran to tell the other female Chunin about it.

* * *

In Otogakure no Sato…

* * *

Orochimaru sat imposingly in his office chair, allowing his apprentice to tell him the news from the Village Hidden in the Rain.

"Orochimaru-sama, the Orokage (Rain Shadow to all you people who cannot translate simple Japanese) has informed us that he has dispatched three spies into Konoha Village to gather information to send to you. Alas, there is but a catch…"

"Well then, what is it?" came the impatient reply.

"He has sent a private messenger to your most evil of lairs and she should be arriving…now." As if on cue, a shadow dropped from the rafters, hitai-ate gleaming in the fluorescent light.

"Welcome, O spy of the Rain Village," the main, gender-confused antagonist said, using his imperious snakelike tone of voice.

"No need to get so formal with me, Your Honour," a female voice answered back defiantly. She raised her head and her face became revealed to Orochimaru and Kabuto.

The kunoichi had warm, tan-coloured skin, thick, sable hair, and wore a short kimono bearing the colours of the Hidden Rain Village: deep grey, a lighter grey, and slate blue.

"My name…I cannot reveal to you yet, but I have a wealth of information to tell you, Orochimaru-sama," the strange shinobi started. Without pause, she gave the former Sannin a bit of the information he wanted, and what she expected for payment.

"I shall tell you more if you agree to the Orokage's commands." As quickly as she came, the female ninja disappeared.

* * *

Back in Konoha Village…

* * *

"Hey, Ino," Sakura grumbled. "Do you want to come to my sleepover?" she grunted, reluctantly handing her archrival an invitation.

"Sure, Sakura," Ino said mockingly. "Who else is going?" Sakura rolled her eyes.

"You know, the usual, you, Tenten, Hinata, Temari said she'll go, and two exchange shinobi from the Village Hidden in the Rain."

Ino's blue eyes widened.

"SAKURA! YOU IMBECILE! Those girls could be spies, you know? What were you thinking?"

"Shut up, Ino-pig," Sakura retaliated. "Are you coming or not?" Grudgingly, Ino nodded.

"The sleepover starts at seven-thirty. Bye," Sakura said, the lightning flashing between her and Io's eyes as it usually does in the beginning of the anime.

* * *

At seven-thirty, Sakura's flat was filled with teenage girls chattering away with conversations of new moves, gossip, makeovers, and most importantly, _the _must-have ingredient for ultimate sleepovers…_boy talk._

"Hey, Tenten, who do you like?" Ino asked with a gigantic grin on her face. Tenten blushed.

"I don't know; I'm torn between feelings for Neji and Lee, but I think I'm destined to end up with Neji. What about you, Hinata?"

"I-I-I-I'd… rather not say…" Hinata stammered uncomfortably.

"C'mon, Hinata, we all know you like Naruto, it's not such a big deal," Temari, now a Jounin, replied. Hinata breathed a small sigh of relief, but still trembled afterward.

"Hey, Rain Village girl number one," Sakura called. Orochimaru's messenger looked up.

"What's your name? Mine's Haruno Sakura, and this is Ama Tenten, Yamanaka Ino, Hyuuga Hinata, and the Madonna of the clique, Temari, who refuses to reveal her last name."

Temari, needless to say, beamed proudly.

"Well, I already know you're Haruno Sakura, it says so on your invitation, idiot," shot the girl, somewhat annoyed.

"I'm Karubashi Koneko. And this…" She acknowledged the other girl hidden in shadow,

"…is Shinju Ayame."

Ayame emerged from the darkness, letting sandy brown hair flow to her shoulders as she made her entrance. Garbed in her clan's traditional robes, only shortened to a miniskirt length and carrying what appeared to be a whip at her side, this foreign kunoichi intrigued and frightened many of the Konoha Chunin, namely Hinata of course.

"HI!" Ayame cried, waving wildly. Everybody sweatdropped simultaneously.

"…Yeah. Um, so now what do we do?" Tenten asked, somewhat weirded out by Ayame's super hyperness.

The girls glanced around at each other. A smile crept onto Sakura's face as she screamed,

"TRUTH OR DARE!"

The Chunin girls scrambled into a circle, chattering idly before the game began.

"I'll go first," proclaimed Ino. "Okay, Hinata, truth or dare?"

"Umm…I'll do…"

Temari laughed. "Hinata, do a dare! Show us you're not a coward!" Hinata blinked, nervous and trying not to collapse onto the floor.

"I'll take dare then," the sapphire-haired shinobi said, emphasizing the word _dare_.

"Fine! Okay, you have to…prank call Naruto and tell him he's won a free lifetime supply of ramen from Ichiraku Ramen!" Hesitantly, Hinata reached for the phone.

* * *

MEANWHILE…

* * *

Outside Sakura's flat, two male Chunin and one ninja dog watched through the window.

"Hmph, how troublesome, wasting the phone bill like that," a certain pineapple-headed shinobi declared airily.

"Shut up, will ya, Shikamaru? I'm trying to see if the ladies look good in their pajamas."

"Kiba, you perverted-"Shikamaru looked up to see a very annoyed looking Koneko staring back at him.

"Um, hi?" Kiba said nervously.

"You're going to wish you'd never been born," the kunoichi replied darkly. Forming perfect katas with her hands, Koneko cried,

"TSUKI NO HAGANE! WINGS OF THE MOON!" A violent torrent of rain swept Kiba, Akamaru, and Shikamaru up into a nearby tree; when the waters subsided, hanging limply from the old willow were three very wet ninja (one being a dog, of course).

"Women…they are _so _troublesome," Shikamaru muttered.

"Shut the hell up, dude."

* * *

BACK IN SAKURA'S ROOM…

* * *

It was three in the morning, and since Tenten "accidentally" stumbled upon some sake (the drinking age in Konoha is fifteen, which, rather conveniently, everyone was of age), everyone was nearly wasted and tired.

"Lettt'ss jusssssssssssst go to bedddd noww…ow…" Sakura slurred, her hangover already beginning.

"Now I know what Tsunade-sama goes through…" Tenten murmured.

"G'night…" the pink-haired ninja said as she drifted off into a bizarre dream…

* * *

DREAM SEQUENCE THINGY…

* * *

Sakura opened her eyes slowly. She was lying on the ground outside what appeared to be the Hokage's office.

"Huh? What am I doing here? And why does it feel as if I desire to do the kind of thing that Jiraiya writes about…No! UGH! What do I do? It's a stupid dream, but-" she was cut off as she saw Tenten, Temari, Ino, Hinata, Ayame, and Koneko skipping over to her. Ino grabbed Sakura's hand and playfully sang,

_Out of your dreams and into his arms you long to fly_

Hinata continued with another line…

_You don't need Tsunade's smelling salts to tell you why…_

Tenten twirled around the confused dreamer, adding,

_Out of your dreams and into the hush of falling shadow…_

Temari jumped in, her voice rich and full,

_When the mist is low, and stars are breaking through…_

Ayame joined, singing sweetly,

_Then out of your dreams you'll go…_

Finally, Koneko started,

_Into a dream…_

_**Come true…**_

_**Make up your mind, make up your mind, Laurey**_

_**Laurey dear!**_

"What the…my name's not Laurey…?" Sakura indignantly replied.

_**Make up your own, make up your own story**_

_**Laurey, dear!**_

_**Old Tazuna's daughter won't tell you**_

_**What to do**_

_**Ask your heart**_

_**Whatever it tells you will be true….**_

All the girls backed into the darkness, leaving Sakura alone.

_Out of my dreams and into his arms I long to fly_

_I will come as evening comes to woo a waiting sky_

_Out of my dreams and into the hush of falling shadows_

_When the mist is low and stars are breaking through_

_Then out of my dreams I'll go_

_Into a dream…_

_With you…_

A languor coming over her, Sakura approached the spot where she had once stood and laid there on the floor, beginning to dream another dream about Sasuke. But behind her, the strange shinobi crept up and laid her hand on Sakura's shoulder, smiling as she did. Awakened by the ninja's soft touch, Sakura looked up to see her bent down, extending her hand.

The two rose and pirouetted together, matching each other's movements perfectly. Sakura was swallowed by the darkness, and only "Dream Sakura" remained. Dream Sakura leapt into the air and the other girls ran out gracefully, copying Dream Sakura's steps. After a dramatic crescendo in the music, the girls disappeared, leaving the mystery shinobi alone (She's assuming Sakura's personality now, so what she's about to do doesn't ever happen). Dream Sakura catches sight of a barely smiling Sasuke and runs to greet him. But Sasuke too is swallowed by darkness, and in his place stands Rock Lee, assuming Nice Guy pose # 57. Frightened, Dream Sakura flees, dropping a small, circular object in the place where "real" Sakura had been laying.

* * *

The girls now enter, linking arms with the boys that they have a crush on: Ino lead the group with Shikamaru, followed by Hinata and Naruto, Tenten and Neji, Koneko and Kiba, Ayame and Gaara, and Temari and Shino.

"_Why am I stuck with the bug freak?" whined Temari softly._

"'_Cause the authoress said so. So shut up and dance," Shino hissed back._

The group whirled around in circles and began to waltz. Sasuke enters, looking very unhappy, with Yumi, one of the girls who had bullied Sakura as a child.

"Back off, loser," Sasuke spat, looking away from a lovestruck, triumphant Yumi. Unfortunately for him, she pulled him into the dance. After a few minutes of tangoing, the group ran off, including Yumi.

"Yes! I got rid of-" Sasuke began; Yumi ran back and put her hand in his firmly.

"…her…"

* * *

Meanwhile…

* * *

Ino and Shikamaru jump in; Ino steals Shikamaru's hitai-ate and waves it playfully in front of him. Shikamaru retaliates by swiping it back from her and retying it around his spiky, pineapple-esque hair, giving her a bored stare. However, he attempts to catch her by throwing his arms around her, but Ino ducks, laughing.

"Shikamaru, you can do better," smirks Ino satisfactorily.

"You'll see."

Grinning at one another, they link arms and leap around, stopping to hold each other in an embrace. But as they attempt to leave together, Choji steps out and grabs Ino by the arm. As they prepare to leave, a very, _very _angry looking Kankuro enters and chases Choji away. Shikamaru re-enters and takes the rather confused Ino by the arm and with a shrug, she follows him.

* * *

A little while later…

* * *

The whole group re-enters together, solemnly and quietly in two lines; the kunoichis to the right and the male ninja to the left. The group breaks into two separate lines and Ino and Shikamaru are revealed. Ino is wearing a bright red and gold kimono, which is a bridal gown. The two shinobi make their way to the front of the line and disappear as a crescendo plays.

Sasuke and a veiled Dream Sakura enter, holding each other's hands. As Dream Sakura turns to look upon her friends, Sasuke melts into the floor and is replaced by Rock Lee. Lee lifts Dream Sakura's veil and she is frightened by the Nice Guy pose # 80. Dream Sakura backs away slowly, and the nightmare begins.

As she runs, Dream Sakura grabs Tenten's shoulder, only to have her, Neji, and Gaara back away. She runs again to Ayame, Koneko and Kiba; they too back away, showing no compassion or even emotion. Collapsing to the ground as she tries to get help from Hinata, Naruto, and Temari and Shino, the small group leaves her standing alone, face to face with Lee. She tries to leave, but Lee stops her, blowing a kiss to her in the process.

Dream Sakura flees, running in a circle, where the real Haruno Sakura takes her place. Sakura stumbles to the ground and faints…

* * *

"Sakura…Sakura-chan, are you okay?" Tenten's voice awakened Sakura; her friend's voice is urgent and frightened.

"Huh? Tenten, what just happened? Why are you so scared?" Sakura asked, pulling herself of off the floor of her home.

"I had this awful, frightening dream, and all you guys were in it, and there was this weird Rain Ninja kunoichi who was me and…and…" Sakura trailed off.

"S-Sakura, what is it?" Hinata inquired nervously.

"There was this thing…a gem thing that the girl left behind. I don't know what it was."

Temari put her hand on Sakura's shoulder reassuringly.

"Don't worry, kid, it was a dream." The girls left her alone to go get changed for the morning.

Sakura got up, but noticed there was something shining on the ground where she had laid. She picked it up and held it in her hands, whispering,

"Yeah, but _was_ it a dream?"

The pink-haired ninja ticked the gem carefully in her pocket and started for the bathroom. Still dazed, she promptly walked into a wall.

"SHANNARO! (In this case, it means, "damn.")

"I am never going to drink sake ever again."

* * *

Tsuki: Wow, that took a long time to type! Sorry about the weirdness of the chapter everybody.

Lee: Tsuki-san, that was really very good.

Tsuki: Thanks, Lee-san. I just hope the readers think that too.

Lee: If-

Tsuki: Lee, don't even think about it. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it!


	4. Let the Filler Chapter Commence!

Naruto: The Musical!

Chapter 4: Filler Chapter 1 Commence! The Parking Ticket and I Won't Say

Tsuki: Hey, guys. Thanks for the reviews, they're greatly appreciated. I have finals and Regents and crap (oh my), so my already bad updating sense will be made even worse. However, I now have half days. Hoorah! EDIT: Actually, now it's summer, so I will most likely be able to update at least once a week. Or something like that. Anyway, I was bored, and my other chapters are taking a while, so this is a filler chapter composed of two songs. I do not own the lyrics to Joss Whedon's "The Parking Ticket" as performed in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Also, I don't own the lyrics to "I Won't Say" from Disney's Hercules. Or Naruto. Grrr…

* * *

For Yuuhi Kurenai, this week had been one of her worst. 

For one, she was PMS-ing. Not a pleasant experience, especially for anyone who got in her way or annoyed her. Which in truth, was basically everyone in the village of Konohagakure. Secondly, she and Asuma had a giant falling-out after she accused him of cheating on her with Mitarashi Anko. Thirdly, there'd been a Jounin-only rave party at Gai's house, in which everyone got drunk, and everyone in attendance had the misfortune of seeing Gai work a stripper pole. Kurenai shuddered at the mere memory of it, despite her hangover and cramps.

"Whatever," she sighed impatiently.

Briskly, the young Jounin pushed her way past the crowded streets of Konoha, desperately searching for something. Yuuhi Kurenai was on a mission, and a very important one at that. Kurenai was on a mission to buy…

"A Vespa! Sweet! I finally found one!" Kurenai shouted, her hormone level rapidly changing and giving her a mood swing. The sales-ninja looked confused.

"Ummm…weren't you just about to kill someone and now you're…?"

"Obviously, you don't understand the consequences of being a woman. _Dobe_," hissed Kurenai maliciously (Dobe means "dumbass" in Japanese).

"How much is it?"

"15,000 Konoha yen," the sales-nin stammered.

"WHAT? That's more than I make in a year!

_Yeah, especially because of Gondaime-sama's gambling,_ Kurenai thought. She tried reasoning with the sales-nin, Kurenai style.

"How about we lower the price a little or you DIE!" exclaimed Kurenai angrily.

The sales-nin became very frightened now: a tall, menacing woman was threatening him in front of his own shop!

"I-I-I'm quite afraid-"

"…You should be," the Jounin interrupted, her crimson eyes flashing.

"W-what I meant to say was, we don't have ninja discounts here anymore. S-sorry, ma'am," the sales-nin said, backing into a tree. Kurenai glared menacingly.

"Sell. Me. The. Freaking. Vespa. NOW."

* * *

After leaving the shop, her mood suddenly picked up as she caressed the shiny, red metal casing of her new Vespa. 

"I think I'm going to call you…Walter!" Kurenai exclaimed brightly; her reactions now utterly confused the slightly beaten-up sales-nin. Hopping on Walter, Kurenai reached into her kunai holster and pulled out a pair of oversize sunglasses and a headscarf. Then, she pushed on the brakes and rode through Konohagakure village like a maniac. Which of course, she most likely was. Anyone would be after seeing Gai work a stripper pole.

* * *

Meanwhile…

* * *

Karubashi Koneko sat on the ground outside the waterfall in the park, pondering what would happen if she inserted a certain blonde-haired ninja's head into a toilet bowl. She giggled to herself at the possibilities. 

"Koneko-san, where are you?" a rather annoyingly high-pitched voice called. Koneko looked at her walkie-talkie and sighed.

"Ayame-sama, what do you want THIS time?"

"Did you report your findings yet? You do realise that Akina-sensei's going to be upset with you if you don't."

Koneko sighed impatiently.

"I'm working on it. Go away. Oh, and Ayame-sama?"

"I'm listening, Koneko-san," answered Ayame innocently.

"Go tell Akina-sensei to f-" The Rain shinobi's vulgar curse was cut off by a loud rustling in the bushes, followed by a pained howl from what sounded like a dog. Koneko silently went around to the back of the bush, concealing herself in the mist of the falls.

"Akamaru! Nice going, boy," reprimanded a boy's voice. The dog whimpered reproachfully.

"It's all right. Now, where did she-" Inuzuka Kiba turned around to find Koneko staring at him once again.

"_What are you doing here, spying on me?_" the kunoichi hissed. She gave Kiba no time to explain, for they'd already started to run from her.

"Get back here! Morons!"

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere in Otogakure…

* * *

Orochimaru sat in his office "throne," munching happily on some snack food Kimimaro had given him before he died. The last member of the Kaguya Clan had promised him this food was only found in Alaska; he had stolen in from the Royal Kunai cruise ship he had been on. 

"Mmm…blubber nuggets. They're chewy!"

Kabuto sweatdropped.

"Orochimaru-sama…may I have one?"

The main villain of the series thought for a moment.

"NO!" he cried; he then resumed eating the ultra-chewy blubber nuggets.

* * *

Back in the Village Hidden in the Leaves…

* * *

Kurenai was having fun with Walter, taking him to Ichiraku Ramen, cruising over to Gai's house and destroying his stripper pole with a force only a drunken Lee could have used, and posed provocatively with her new ride in front of the great Konoha Bridge for a spreadsheet in Konoha's premier Playboy magazine, _Itcha Itcha Supermodels_ , produced and owned by the illustrious Ero Sennin Productions. The Jounin was making a sharp turn around Asuma's flat when a random ANBU officer materialised in front of her. 

"AUGH!" she screamed, slamming on the brakes just an inch away from the ANBU shinobi.

"Yuuhi Kurenai, your presence is requested by Hokage-sama immediately," the ANBU said in a bored, monotonous tone.

Begrudgingly, she turned to find a parking space, but could find none that were available.

"Just park near the sidewalk and let's go," the ANBU said sharply. Kurenai turned Walter on and parked him in front of Tsunade's office, then disappeared into the building.

* * *

Meanwhile…

* * *

The chase for the runaway shinobi and his ninja dog was on full-throttle, and Koneko was winning. She suddenly stopped, and a puzzled Kiba and Akamaru ran off, glad to have the angry kunoichi off their hands. 

Forming katas with acute precision, Koneko activated her secret bloodline ability: Kouuchishio, which means "Rainstorm of Blood." (AN: By using this kekkei genkai ability, Koneko can unleash hundreds of senbon needles along with water created by her chakra upon her opponent. It's very similar to Katara's Waterbending style in Avatar.)

"All right then, Kiba. You asked for it!" the Rain kunoichi sent her attack out forcefully, but somehow, the Inuzuka had escaped her clutches.

"Huh? Where did he-?" she asked herself. There was silence.

"Oh, hello," a girl said; the comment surprised Koneko, who jumped at the sound.

"I'm Inuzuka Hana. Nice to meet you. And if you're looking for my brother," Hana pointed towards the Inuzuka family garden, "he's in there. Bye."

Hana leapt into the trees and as quickly as she came, she had disappeared.

"Wow. That was random. Oh well," shrugged Koneko. She cracked her knuckles.

"Time for some ass-whupping."

* * *

Back to Kurenai…

* * *

Kurenai left Tsunade's office in a daze. Her salary was being cut again, but the good news was that she, Anko, and Shizune were going to be able to take a vacation together, but that was two story arcs away. 

"Hey, knock it off, will you? I'm already having a bad day."

"_Fine, be that way," _retorted the authoress.

"Just get back to the story before I stick a kunai up where the sun don't shine."

"_Fine, fine, but stop using bad grammar!"_

Anyway, as the raven-haired kunoichi approached her beloved Walter, another random ANBU-nin appeared out of nowhere.

"Yuuhi Kurenai?" he asked, his voice muffled beneath his kitsune mask.

"What do you want with me?" Kurenai answered, folding her bandaged arms across her chest.

"I'm afraid you've parked in a no-parking zone of the village. I will have to give you a ticket myself, since all the Uchiha Police Force members are obviously dead. Oh yes, there's also a hefty fine you'll have to pay." He began writing her a ticket and gave it to the dumbfounded Jounin.

"What? This is insane! That fire hydrant wasn't there before! What are you talking about?" Before Kurenai could protest any more, as she opened her mouth, words began flowing from her mouth in a strange song.

_I've been having a bad, bad day_

_Come on, won't you pit that pad away?_

_I'm asking you please no!_

Kurenai begged, holding her arms out wide as she sang her lament. The ANBU rolled his eyes beneath the mask and snorted.

_It isn't right, it isn't fair_

_There was no parking anywhere_

_I think that hydrant wasn't there_

The Jounin went down on her knees in desperation. She couldn't get a mark on her spotless record!

_Why can't you let it go!_

_I think I've paid more than my share_

_I'm just a poor girl, don't you care?_

The ANBU-nin turned to leave, but Kurenai suddenly got an idea. An idea she had borrowed from Maito Gai.

_Hey, I'm not wearing underwear…_

Abruptly, he stopped and ran over to the Jounin, who had arranged herself provocatively on the ground. As he leaned in closer…

"KYAAH!" Kurenai kicked him hard in the face, knocking him right out. She stood up and wiped her hands on her dress.

"Hmm, I think I need a nail appointment at Nukenin Nails. I'll go make a reservation." She hopped on top of Walter and geared up the engine. Before she left however, she called out behind her to the fallen ANBU:

"_Don't _mess with PMS."

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, er, garden…

* * *

Kiba hid unseen in the Statue Garden, where everyone in the Inuzuka Clan's illustrious history, including him, had a statue. He had hoped that Koneko wouldn't be able to find him in the dense underbrush and in the maze of statues. He also hoped that Hana hadn't ratted him out. Again. 

"Kiba! Where are you? I have to kick your ass now!" Koneko called shrilly. The dog tamer winced, but her voice got farther and farther away. However, he decided to follow her voice anyway. Besides, hiding in a bush made him feel like going to the bathroom.

"Ugh. How many people are in this clan?" Koneko asked herself. She had become lost and was wandering about aimlessly. She sighed, then sat down next to three miniature statues of Tsukiyomi, Ameratsu, and Susanoo, the Shinto goddesses of the moon, sun, and sea, respectively. (AN: sometimes, Tsukiyomi and Susanoo are seen as male gods, but I'm using their female forms.)

"As much as I despise him and his sneaky ways, I've never really thought about boys like I do Kiba. No," she reprimanded herself, shaking her head sadly.

'It won't be pretty, like what happened last time." The last time Koneko cared deeply about a boy, it turned out he was a spy for the enemy, like she was pretending to be, and she was forced to kill him in battle. She had never been the same after that, and her once sweet, bubbly personality became bitter and more cynical.

"But…" as she tried to go on, much to her amazement, the three goddess statues came to life in front of her.

"Girl, you know what you have to do, don't you?" Ameratsu remarked plainly, a glimmer appearing in her marble eyes.

"Yeah, but I know it won't work," Koneko said, averting her gaze from the sun goddess. She opened her mouth, and for the second time in this chapter, a song emerged.

_If there's a prize for rotten judgment  
I guess I've already won that  
No man is worth the aggravation  
That's ancient history, been there, done that! _

The three goddesses tried to change her mind and sang along._  
_

_**Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'  
He's the Earth and heaven to you  
Try to keep it hidden  
Honey, we can see right through you  
Girl, ya can't conceal it  
We know how ya feel and  
Who you're thinking of  
**  
_Koneko sighed and shook her head defiantly at the statuettes.

_  
No chance, no way  
I won't say it, no, no  
**You swoon, you sigh  
why deny it, uh-oh  
**It's too cliché  
I won't say I'm in love_

The kunoichi walked through the maze again, with the singing statues at her heels. Unbeknownst to them, two human figures and one canine watched from the distance.

I thought my heart had learned its lesson  
It feels so good when you start out  
My head is screaming get a grip, girl  
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out  
Oh no!

Susanoo realised that this was not going to be easy. She looked at her sisters and thy tried again.

_  
You keep on denying  
Who you are and how you're feeling  
Baby, we're not buying  
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling  
Face it like a grown-up  
When ya gonna own up  
That ya got, got, got it bad _

No chance, no way  
I won't say it, no, no

Koneko approached the statue of Kiba and leaned up against him, giving the stone ninja a small smile.

_  
Give up, give in  
Check the grin you're in love _

Annoyed now, the Rain shinobi threw her gloved hands in the air and sang her heart out in defiance._  
_

_This scene won't play,  
I won't say I'm in love  
You're doin' flips read our lips  
You're in love  
You're way off base  
I won't say it  
Get off my case  
I won't say it  
Girl, don't be proud  
It's O.K. you're in love _

Oooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…Koneko sighed, holding the note for a few seconds._  
At least out loud,  
I won't say I'm in love_

Leaning against the Kiba statue again, Koneko felt a little happy and touched its marble cheek tenderly. Susanoo, Tsukiyomi, and Ameratsu nodded at one another.

"Girl, our work here is done!" Ameratsu exclaimed. The three turned back into their marble selves.

High in the treetops, another kunoichi, her face hidden in shadow, shook her head reprovingly.

"Koneko, Koneko, Koneko. When will you ever learn?" she whispered.

In the bushes, however, Kiba and Akamaru were overjoyed, albeit a little weirded out, but happy anyway.

"SCORE!" Kiba yelled, pumping his fist in the air. Koneko turned and saw the Inuzuka doing a victory dance in the bushes, while Akamaru was…yeah. Must I explain?

"Inuzuka Kiba?"

"Um, yeah, sweetie?" Kiba asked.

"You. Must. Die."

**To be continued…

* * *

**

Tsuki- Yeah, that took a while, especially for a filler chapter. Anyway, I made a Fairly Odd Parents reference and a Full House reference in this chappie. See if you can find them! Anyway, in the next chapter, Ino and Shikamaru have a falling-out but renew their feelings-

Shikamaru: Hey! Who said I had feelings for that blonde Bit-

Tsuki: Shikamaru! No foul cursing in this fic.

Shikamaru: Fine. It's too troublesome to argue anyway.

Tsuki: Thank you. Anyway, the next chapter is an Ino/Shika chap. See you all soon!

Neji: (spins randomly)


End file.
